My first realization !!!

                  Life has become fast, competition has become the rhythm, and the only aspiration is to earn paid leaves which could be taken forward to next financial year, unsure if it would ever be utilized. This has been the mantra of today’s generation. I am not blaming the world but myself. The decision to work after study was mine and the decision to work after marriage was also mine. No one to question here but was that my passion or my arrogant self-respect which denied to accept the fact that I could also stay at home and still fulfill my accomplishments not every house wife is a daily soap preacher not every working woman is Sheryl Sandburg. But when you are in denial mode everything seems wrong and you are called judgmental.

                  My life is pretty much an open book nothing to overdo or nothing to brag about. When fortune knocked at the door I was flying high and opted every bit of the clue. But after sailing the boat for years together when I look back I was taken back with the shock that the accomplishments are not worth for the sacrifices I did. The sacrifices did not sound big when I did from skipping a meal, eating junk, working late night,  postponing a dinner date and the list is long. Today I have grown unhealthy, allergic to tons of things cannot breath in fresh air cause of pollen. I ask few questions to myself have I met my goals? Was this what I have always longed for? What if I would have opted for healthy life over a successful life?

                All these questions were unveiled when I had been to US for a short trip. People here as well rush for the success but unlike me their priorities health over money and enjoyment over commitment and personal life  over career have given me a jaw dropping experience. Here people leave early to go out and enjoy TODAY over yesterday and then get back to work. Here also they slog over nights but without sacrificing the meals, dinner dates, movies. Here they get loads of time to spend with each other, no one looks at you when you leave early from office, no one ticks the watch when you arrive. These things seem to be small but was impactful when I witnessed it. It was a trip of two weeks flew like a dream. I would always remember this as one of my best moments shared with none other but myself. Explored everything from cooking to shopping to hunting to flirting. I actually relived a life of a college girl. However, I never knew of this fun when I was in college.

                  I had always seen people brain drained to different countries for better opportunity, for better earning or may be for a mere peer pressure. And being the spectator I had always criticized them for such decision of their own. I have never urged or felt bad for not moving out to a different country, could be the upbringing or the roots from military that had made me feel this way. I had been to other countries for vacations or leisure still I was not convinced to migrate from my base. People post return do campaign about the experience and thoughts of their cognizance executed so far. All this have never mesmerized me to be taken away from my root notions.

                This time I was convinced not by the money, not by the pressure, not by the fame but by the work life balance culture of here. The freedom of not thinking about future which is in any case uncertain. I wish I do come here for work again.

     “Even the smallest changes in our daily routine can create incredible ripple effects that expand our vision of what is possible.”

My First Inspiring Woman’s Week !!!

             It was a Wednesday morning when we, the woman folk, visited a carried away place called Karunashraya. A place where we learnt two new vocabs palliative care and hospice center. A moderately aged person sat in front of us and started a simple conversation which he tagged later as the orientation. The entire conversation was mesmerizing made me feel good about what I am today, what I am blessed with.

             Karunashraya, a place full of hope… a place who adorns when you fall into lonesome. It’s in pragmatic and hospice center which gives palliative care to the patients abandoned from hope as they are suffering from last stage of Cancer. To devote some meaning, palliative care means “Remedy that alleviates pain without curing”, yes they give care to a patient who is suffering from non-curing disease.

             This is formed back in 1994 and declared themselves to be free from charges for the services they would provide. Not to forget the place is nowhere close to hospital, it was a meditation center and greenery talked about it to be a resort. They are now accommodated with 55 in patients and 68 staffs to materialized what they had dreamt about.

Talking to one person made us feel so empathetic that our heart wept for them. Each one in that center had an amazing story, few stories we could lock in our memory and few needed time, which we all fall short of. 

              The only target for the serving people is to full fill those patient’s wish weather it’s a craving to have idly for breakfast or meeting Amir Khan. Every small or big wishes are handled with care that’s the definition of Karunashraya. It reminds me of the saying:

Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success

My First Marriage Anniversary being a Mother !!!

Milk coupon… Checked, feeding bottles sterilized… checked, toys sterilized… checked, clothes for laundry… checked, water filled… checked… diaper stock refill… checked annndd… my half opened eyes denied to be awake and I plunged on the bed. It was night 02:45 a.m. when I looked into the watch ticking in my bedroom. My 6 months daughter was wide-awake and yelling at me for delaying her midnight feed. With her feed my night finally ended with a sleep.

Morning alarm echoed like a death bell and I was at my knees with the fraction of seconds as I didn’t want my daughter to wake up. I took a yawn and kissed my daughter, a sleeping diva. I finish my bath as soon as possible and come out like a marathon winner. By that time my princess already had taken care by her daddy. From this moment the life is not of a human but of a robot, well I feel so. Baby’s oil massage, her bath, her feed and her bag pack, which contains her day to day articles.  Continued with preparing food and the menu goes like, breakfast for us and the baby, lunch for us and the baby, dinner for us and the baby. I took out washed clothes to be dried. I had arranged the cleaned vessels and had served breakfast for everyone, a family affair.

Now we three, mommy daddy and the baby, are ready for the work. The first priority has always been our daughter so with heavy heart she is taken to the day care, not that they are monsters and would not treat my gorgeous well, on the contrary they are trained nannies they would take care of my baby a way better. All said and done but my heart wept for her and with that guilt I reached office. It’s already 09:45 a.m. which means I am running late by 15 minutes.

In next 10 minutes I browsed my mails and checked the latest update, issues to address, and next steps to discuss. Joined the call and did the best ever, this small achievement of getting the call right gives a positive vibe. The day runs on 5th gear, meetings, mails, calls, escalations, appreciations. A team member walks up to me who happens to be a fresher and says “Thank you! I am in love with the work you have assigned”. He was not my supervisor neither did I get any award but that statement was unbeatable feeling. I got another push to achieve a little extra mile. With the broad smile in my face I walked to my desk where I saw a mail invitation for a presentation to leadership to be taken care. My jaw was wide open. The slides were ready long back. But was the meeting today? I am so damn nervous, butterflies’ cockroaches and God knows what and all, are playing hide and seek in my tummy. The anxiety had almost killed me at the meeting reminder which said 5 minutes to begin. I took a deep breath and gulp my fear within started my presentation which was improvising with every passing minutes. I did it! I completed with flying colors.  Before I could rethink on my quick achievements, my supervisor messaged me to have a cup of coffee I was already ready to go for.  A coffee with my supervisor was a cherry on the cake with her I felt at home the feathery touch on simple advices had fine-tuned me further. I bought some chocolates. And the clock finally strokes 5:45 p.m. I held my handbag and drafted my final mail.

After walking for few minutes reached the day care. My darling was sleeping on her daddy’s arm. I took my baby into my arms and hear the complete day’s activity from the nanny. Her log book was handed over to us and we enter our car to drive back home. The moment we unlocked the door our baby is fully awake and brightened up. We spent time played with the little angel, her only smile makes the day perfect. I covered few calls in the evening and rushed down to see my baby’s where about. I fed her and put her to sleep. I leave the room in mutely and spent some time in chatting over dinner with my husband. After finishing my meals went to sterilize the feeding bottles and sterilized the toys. I took out the clothes from the cloth line. Arranged baby’s wardrobe and prepared the bed. I filled the water bottles. I verified my checklist, and while tying my hairs I looked into my watch it was 11:45 p.m. I take out my hand bag and searched for chocolates which I bought and offer my husband.  He smiled and asked me what’s special… I said… Happy Marriage Anniversary honey!!!

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”

My first Professional Anchoring !!!

                    It was a busy day when my manager called me for a meeting. I was sure to have some inputs for my team but all she said was, we have to organize a cultural fest for the delivery unit which targets 300 people. I was excited to know it’s happening again, the last time I heard of any cultural fest it was my academic who now seemed like an age behind, well I am not that old so keep your vision straight.

Further meetings happened for the different items to be involved like musical war, dance, group dance everything and anything you can think of. I was in seventh cloud cause all I have to do was to be a critic and enjoy the performance where people are striving for. Then the furious day came where one of our organizing members said “I think Chinu could anchor for the entire flow!” I had a jaw dropping, eye popping shock, what the hell! How on earth anyone could think of this. With the churning effect in my stomach I looked at my manager and said “ahh…, I don’t think I would suit the profile. What do you suggest?” I was way too sure that my manager is going to reject my name.

Man proposes, God disposes. This proverb seemed the most appropriate for the situation. She said, “Not really, you fit the best.” I didn’t know how to react. At first I was happy well she thinks I am smart, the very second feeling was “what if I fumble it, will she ever believe me?” There were million thoughts overlapping one another in my mind. As the trend says I said “ok, I will do it” these were the costliest words for that moment to me, which I gave just like that.

Days passed and everyone is thrilled with the cultural event which was about to materialize. With every passing day my fear got stronger, although I made enough campaign to overcome the same somewhere deep in my soul. I have tried all possible way to prep myself like preparing a script and mugging it up and spit on stage,  on for the deadly day, a day where everyone would end up in a frustration with my anchoring and might throw rotten eggs or just walk out. I had no other option but to live with this catastrophe feeling.

The day has come; I was the first one to wake up in the morning and do nothing but to stare at my wardrobe. Yes, the day was also a traditional day, what worst could happen first my anchoring then me in traditional wear. It seemed like this day was tailored cut for me to reach the deepest level of thwarting. After 4 trials I picked one, not very happy with but the one with least bad. I was the last person to enter the office bay; every pair of eyes followed me till I get settled in my place. I had no guts rested in my heart to look up and face the eyes.

The clock ticked 2:30 PM and a voice prompted from behind, “lets rush, we are the host can’t be delayed.”  I was sure to know the familiar voice it was my manager. We left for the event venue. Needless to say I was nervous; my scare got added when I was told there is no collar microphone, all we have is a hand microphone. I had forgotten my makeup kit to get the final touch up done on my face. When bad times start it rules your life, so was with mine that day. I started the vows with a smiling face, “A very pleasant evening to all the Ladies and Gentlemen”.

That’s it! This is all I could recall from my script which I had been mugging up from last 3 days. I had no choice but to blabber something on the stage. The words just came in and I followed the sentences. The sequence of the activity which we thought would be coming was also got shuffled. I had forgotten to take my lunch, my stomach was growling as if yelling at me for ignoring it for some fear of mine. Wow!!! Nobody could think of the worst fate as it was for mine.

With the first event and the first paragraph which I snuggled somehow was applauded. This was a total surprise. I made people to clap. I pinched myself to reassure if I was dreaming. Then the confidence just poured more and more. The audiences were not walking out; they are actually listening to my words. They were smiling and laughing at my jokes. I had never believed in miracles. But this was happening. It was like a fairy came in and waved her magical wand and everything is falling in place. The time passed with a cake walk. The new experience was thrilling and I wished it never ended.

Like every starting has an end, every beginning has a climax, this had to end. The moment “Thank you!” popped out my mouth, the crowd stood up. I left the dais and got down. Everyone in and around approached me and congratulated me for the wonderful anchoring I did. I could not believe myself. The feeling was unbeatable. I was not feeling well as my stomach started aching so I had to leave early, but the smile stayed imparted on my face till I went to bed. I didn’t know whom to thank, my manager, myself, God… all I realized was:

It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.

My First Foreign Language - SPANISH

             I am certainly not a language buff and neither followed literature, but when the situation turns upside down and you are stuck with uninteresting work. The only way out from the boredom is to challenge your limits. So started hunting for weird yet exotic options, one of the fancy things which I could think was learning a new language with a pinch of uniqueness. This time the language picked was SPANISH. There were many reasons why this language was picked but the closest was “similar to Hindi (My national language)”.

           The classes were arranged; my teacher had brought some handouts to me and told me to read it. It was in English with some phonetic signs. That was the first time I knew that Spanish is written in English way. That was a relief I think because English is manageable. My next class started with alphabets and with conjugations and then went to sentence formations. Slowly and steadily I have started peeling the layers of Spanish from easier to tougher. If you could trust me ever… the layers were unveiling truth of adventure.

             Unless I touched a new language I never knew that when you learn a new language it’s not just a language it’s a new medium with which you express. Language puts entailing to the much unsaid feeling within you. When we use each perfect word and put in a sentence, we actually position a perfect pearl into the string to carve into an everlasting necklace. This is how my each day went and turned into weeks and then months. Learning the meaning of new words in Spanish had become my passion and may be the only thing of my schedule.

           Life seems more beautiful, especially when I see a building named as “La casa” or I hear few tourists talking in a language I could understand. I met two people from Spain they had come for their vacation. They were struggling in a foreign country and when I approached them and had spoken simple hello in Spanish way, they actually jumped out of their place and were happy to hear my broken Spanish.  They were correcting me for my faults. Here I wasn’t ashamed of talking wrong Spanish but was thrilled by their involvement that is the power, where two extreme strangers have become my friends.

          I don’t know if anyone would ever go for a language to start a fresh, but my experience with learning Spanish language was an unforgettable journey so far. Spanish language has filled my life with beautiful memories, memories which I had left behind the school doors and memories to have friendship even though you hardly know each other. This world is filled with colorful languages everywhere, the more color we pick, the more colorful feathers we add to our hat of success. I wish everyone a wonderful language hunt and happy learning.

                       “A comer, beber y tragar, quien sabe cuando la vida va a acabar !!!”

My First Resignation

It feels worst if you are not noticed… it feels awful if the situation is picked by you. I am one amongst those thousands who switch their company for their own set of reasons like career, location, and work culture etc…, and few silent reasons such as money and fully paid foreign trips.
Who would not like to have more money and so called ONSITE opportunities? Being the most visible day dreamer I wanted to switch my company. Before I could ask for my release I should have a job in hand. My job hunting started with high pace. With all struggle of standing in queue and getting insulted at every step I somehow managed to crack one.
Now comes the scary part “Who would bell the cat?” It’s rephrased for me i.e. “how to bell the cat?” I was still searching for words to articulate my exit permission when I receive an appreciation mail for my client presentation. What else in the world could be more ironical than this? I rehearsed number of times just to say “I want to resign”. Trust me this was atrocious than a murder. I had decided to write a mail than spitting it out. With all pulled up guts I somehow managed to write a one liner to my reporting manager. I hit the send button. With in a fraction of seconds my cell phone rang, and it was my manager. I picked it as I didn’t have a single excuse not to.
“Chinu, did you just send that mail?” the shaken voice enquired, so that she gets an assurance that it’s not a prank. “Yep, it’s me…” were the only words I muttered. After a pause she said “Well…Never the less this is not a good piece of news to me. But I would like to have a meeting with you tomorrow. ” The call ends with the anticipation of “Tomorrow”. One way or another, next day ascended with a bright sun. With the expectation of a set of questions I entered the activity room for a meeting just two of us. And I realize she is already waiting for me. It becomes even more pathetic when you need to convince one of your idols whose every word is convincing.
“So… You have decided to move on, isn’t it?” the smiling face asked me. “Yes, thought to look for more challenges of our industry.” I replied with a smile. “And you think its not possible being a part of us… this company.” This was her contribution to my statement. “Ahh… Not really. I mean, I can evolve in this company too but there would always be an expectation of the delivery in the field I have already excelled in. But in a new firm it would be a plain sheet of paper where I can have a fresh start of my type of story”. This was the only longest statement I had said in front of her through out the discussion. The meeting went for one and half hour. Most of the time it was she speaking to me and my reply would either be “you are right….” or just a simple nodding of head. I come out of the room and realize that I failed to convince her.
Few more days pass through and I see lots of people around me also are in plan of leaving and they were pretty much inflexible with their decision. That gives another push to resolution of resignation. This time she didn’t protest much. And that is more astounding to me. I openly went and asked “why not this time?” And I did a mistake. Her answer was “I don’t want you to get convinced by my words I want you to take your decision.” That’s not all; she continued and gave me another set of reasons not to leave. But her last sentence was horrifying “If you plan to stay, then do not stay for my sake. As after giving you a dozen of reasons not to leave I may quit tomorrow. The call is yours. But yes you can get opportunity and money (the unspoken) here as well.” With the silence of the lamb I walked out of the room and typed a resignation mail to my manager.
Here comes the best part of resignation… The Notice period… I felt like the most important person ever on earth also I enjoyed this period. People would run and ask question, jot down the answers, any document I have given, any mail I have sent. They now need all the bits of information I have, as if I am going to die in a month and things would finish with my exit. I don’t know if that’s what everyone put up with. Other than for me it was not so different I was still very much with my job and delivering the best I could. There were still night outs, struggle for dead lines, fight for estimates, and bargain on time lines.
Count down almost started which displayed 5 days to go when my manager stepped in and said “Hey Chinu… Nihar (name changed) would be taking over your place after you leave. Please help him understand little stuff he would need in upcoming deliverables.” With this piece of information I was trashed down. I mumble “Nihar … Did I hear this name?” I knew him he was part of my team I was leading then. He was my junior as well as going to take my place in the team. I was happy for him but was actually hurt. Do not ask me how… when… why…. I still am not aware of the answers. Being the honest lead I told him my entire task including tricks, tips and shortcuts.
“We want party!!!” The note put on my desk. The childish handwriting proclaims it’s Nihar. That was my second last day in that company when these guys (My team mates) dragged me to some restaurants and had a party in the lieu of my departure, sounds terrible. Well that’s the trend, whoever leave has to throw a party, as if everyone were desperate to get rid of me. After the lunch sponsored by me the day was dull and I failed to understand that I only have a day left in that office.
The climax of the story has come, the last day in the office. I got a form to fill from HR which said exit clearance. Whole day went in hasten taking few signatures, few words with your friends with whom you had never talked before. I sat over my workstation and as I typed my last email to all my colleagues I comprehend that I am not going to come here again. The place where I spent my years together I shared my secrets, friendship and hardship is finally going to get away from me for ever. Amidst the sad feeling I finished typing the last email of my tenure in the current company and thanked every one for their co-operation and trust in me, I gave away my number and contact information, hoping to meet them again. As I send the mail my team members approached me and congratulated me for my decision, wished me luck in future and showed appreciation for my work so far, gave me a farewell gift. The last thing which made me felt even worst was my ID card submission and my security guard’s ever heard words “madam! Won’t you come here again?” I nodded him as I walked away.
Today in the new company I feel so lonely. Nobody knows me. No one is ready to trust me without a proof. These people have their own culture. It’s BIG Ocean. I know one day this company will embrace me for my work. Till then I have to be amid the feeling of a stranger in the company.

“TIME IS A DRESSMAKER SPECIALIZING IN ALTERATIONS !!!”

My First International Trip To THAILAND

International trip... In the time of recession.... Self financed ….. are the most shocking combination anybody could ever think of. No more guessing games.... I am talking about a trip which I recently had to THAILAND.

Traveling, visiting new places were in my blood, but didn't get such big wings to cross national borders. The thrill started from the procedure of security check in for international departure, immigration and continued even while boarding. A beautiful air hostess wrapped in golden color dress holding an orchid said two wonderful words “SWASDEE KHA” (A way Thai people greet each other).

When the dawn broke after valentine's week in Bangkok airport it was an unbelievable site. SUVARVABHUMI is the name they have given to their international Airport it was a lot bigger than what I had seen in India. I was amazed to know that they have an Indian word as their International airport's name. Then I discovered that most of the Thai words are derived from Sanskrit language. They also fold their hands and say “hello !!!”. The hunt of knowing more in bangkok airport took me to a place where I saw SAGAR MANTHAN (one of the mythological event written in our Hindu holy book ) Statue having lord Vishnu at the center and tug-of-war between the demons and the Gods were amazingly articulated in the sculptures. Every step was full of excitement took me towards the exit where my tourist guide was waiting for me, he took me to my suite. On the way to my suite I saw many awesome building almost touching the sky, colorful cabs rushing from one to another, flyovers are replica of human nerves. The next day was my city tour which included a tour to a temple of lord Buddha an absolute delight of the carvings and stupefying experiment on architecture. Pearl Center was the next destination after the Temple where my general knowledge about pearl culture got updated and came to know that Thailand is one of the major supplier of pearls and each pearl is like star devolves down and gotten into the shell.

Then the reason came for which THAILAND was selected for a visit, full of adventures and fun, for which I had gone to many small islands. There was an island where the most famous movie called “The Beach” was shot and after hearing this my paint brush of fantasy started creating an image of Leonardo D' Capri o on the canvas of imagination. There was another Bollywood movie was also shot called “Kaho Na Pyaar Hai”, felt like one of the celebrity being there. Monkey beach was the next famous tourist place where tourist were dying to see MONKEY. Well this provokes me to tell this "silly" to see people running behind MONKEY.

Never ever thought that being on a speed boat could make you feel like being on roller – coaster ride, each wave when hit the boat except the boat everything else fall apart. Suddenly we realized that the boat is stopped in the place where you don't see island at all before we could run our thoughts further tourist guide queried whether we know swimming or not and gave us life jacket and urged to wear if we are not a swimmer.... I could not stop myself remembering sinking of Titanic as the situation resembled that of the movie. But this fear was replaced by fear of water when her statement proclaimed “we have exactly 2 hours for snorkeling”, snorkeling, in which you get certain equipment through which you would see a real time aquarium at your own risk. Initially it was unquestionably an horrifying thought of jumping into water without even knowing anything about swimming. This sinking terror was frozen when I actually saw the beautiful world beneath the giant sea. With this enjoyment 2 hours flew like 2 seconds and we came back to an island called Phi-Phi Don the only place where you find food. After a long exercise on the boat ride and snorkeling food tasted delicious. Later having stomach full food we did some site seeing and saw a canoe lying and rowing cost was put on the board. The water sport curiosities started demanding the same, and went for the first time in my life, so far, canoing which was the last adventurous thing for the day.

The day after we went to a beach site called Patong beach. Let me give you a little history behind the name Patong, this actually a combination of two words Pa and Tong where Pa means banana in Thai language and Tong means Forest, Patong beach was a banana forest earlier. This is the best place to relax in the beach. Inadvertently my eyes went to a person who was calling for para sailing at the first thought I said NO... This No was not for the person but for myself as I am afraid of heights but after snorkeling I had a feeling that everything is possible we just need to try it once then with all possible courage I said yes for sky riding and then they gave me some safety belts to wear and instructed me when to run , when to stop and stuffs like that and a coach would be coming with me. My hands sensed a rapid drop in temperature and I was literally shivering when I had those ropes of parachute, with the count of 3 they told me to run. I ran for hardly 3 seconds and the feeling after that was beyond of any body's belief, I was flying !!! I could feel the air beneath my feet. Everything seem to be so small, theres nothing which could be matched with my notion, height was never so wonderful before. It went for one complete round of the shore and then came down, felt like an achievement... sounds funny but it gave me a confidence that I could fly. The whole evening collocated with the same thought full of pride.

The following day was full of fun activities which the resort people have kept for their guests like blind folded, hide and seek and loads of swimming pool games... I won many prizes as I was not afraid of water now!!! Then a session only of photography I was already engrossed with the feeling of a celebrity now this part of the trip actually added to my thoughts. Subsequently I went for show which was arranged by the resort people where I saw most beautiful girls were dancing I was appreciating there beauty when I was told that those were actually not girls but guys I was completely shocked and they call them as lady boys. This surprise lasted till I went to bed.

Then comes the best part of the trip SHOPPING. Theres a funny yet interesting thing I came across was that the shops do have shifts in bangkok... One evening I went out and bought a hand bag but was not sure whether that was a right decision or not after coming back to the room my co-tourists actually appreciated my selection could not stop my self and went again to buy one more but realized that the shift of handbag shop was over and fruit seller started.
This was the entire experience I had when I had gone to Thailand.... In other words this was the pearl country in my horizon.

“ …..KHAWP KHUN KHA....” (Thank You in Thai Language)