My First Resignation

It feels worst if you are not noticed… it feels awful if the situation is picked by you. I am one amongst those thousands who switch their company for their own set of reasons like career, location, and work culture etc…, and few silent reasons such as money and fully paid foreign trips.
Who would not like to have more money and so called ONSITE opportunities? Being the most visible day dreamer I wanted to switch my company. Before I could ask for my release I should have a job in hand. My job hunting started with high pace. With all struggle of standing in queue and getting insulted at every step I somehow managed to crack one.
Now comes the scary part “Who would bell the cat?” It’s rephrased for me i.e. “how to bell the cat?” I was still searching for words to articulate my exit permission when I receive an appreciation mail for my client presentation. What else in the world could be more ironical than this? I rehearsed number of times just to say “I want to resign”. Trust me this was atrocious than a murder. I had decided to write a mail than spitting it out. With all pulled up guts I somehow managed to write a one liner to my reporting manager. I hit the send button. With in a fraction of seconds my cell phone rang, and it was my manager. I picked it as I didn’t have a single excuse not to.
“Chinu, did you just send that mail?” the shaken voice enquired, so that she gets an assurance that it’s not a prank. “Yep, it’s me…” were the only words I muttered. After a pause she said “Well…Never the less this is not a good piece of news to me. But I would like to have a meeting with you tomorrow. ” The call ends with the anticipation of “Tomorrow”. One way or another, next day ascended with a bright sun. With the expectation of a set of questions I entered the activity room for a meeting just two of us. And I realize she is already waiting for me. It becomes even more pathetic when you need to convince one of your idols whose every word is convincing.
“So… You have decided to move on, isn’t it?” the smiling face asked me. “Yes, thought to look for more challenges of our industry.” I replied with a smile. “And you think its not possible being a part of us… this company.” This was her contribution to my statement. “Ahh… Not really. I mean, I can evolve in this company too but there would always be an expectation of the delivery in the field I have already excelled in. But in a new firm it would be a plain sheet of paper where I can have a fresh start of my type of story”. This was the only longest statement I had said in front of her through out the discussion. The meeting went for one and half hour. Most of the time it was she speaking to me and my reply would either be “you are right….” or just a simple nodding of head. I come out of the room and realize that I failed to convince her.
Few more days pass through and I see lots of people around me also are in plan of leaving and they were pretty much inflexible with their decision. That gives another push to resolution of resignation. This time she didn’t protest much. And that is more astounding to me. I openly went and asked “why not this time?” And I did a mistake. Her answer was “I don’t want you to get convinced by my words I want you to take your decision.” That’s not all; she continued and gave me another set of reasons not to leave. But her last sentence was horrifying “If you plan to stay, then do not stay for my sake. As after giving you a dozen of reasons not to leave I may quit tomorrow. The call is yours. But yes you can get opportunity and money (the unspoken) here as well.” With the silence of the lamb I walked out of the room and typed a resignation mail to my manager.
Here comes the best part of resignation… The Notice period… I felt like the most important person ever on earth also I enjoyed this period. People would run and ask question, jot down the answers, any document I have given, any mail I have sent. They now need all the bits of information I have, as if I am going to die in a month and things would finish with my exit. I don’t know if that’s what everyone put up with. Other than for me it was not so different I was still very much with my job and delivering the best I could. There were still night outs, struggle for dead lines, fight for estimates, and bargain on time lines.
Count down almost started which displayed 5 days to go when my manager stepped in and said “Hey Chinu… Nihar (name changed) would be taking over your place after you leave. Please help him understand little stuff he would need in upcoming deliverables.” With this piece of information I was trashed down. I mumble “Nihar … Did I hear this name?” I knew him he was part of my team I was leading then. He was my junior as well as going to take my place in the team. I was happy for him but was actually hurt. Do not ask me how… when… why…. I still am not aware of the answers. Being the honest lead I told him my entire task including tricks, tips and shortcuts.
“We want party!!!” The note put on my desk. The childish handwriting proclaims it’s Nihar. That was my second last day in that company when these guys (My team mates) dragged me to some restaurants and had a party in the lieu of my departure, sounds terrible. Well that’s the trend, whoever leave has to throw a party, as if everyone were desperate to get rid of me. After the lunch sponsored by me the day was dull and I failed to understand that I only have a day left in that office.
The climax of the story has come, the last day in the office. I got a form to fill from HR which said exit clearance. Whole day went in hasten taking few signatures, few words with your friends with whom you had never talked before. I sat over my workstation and as I typed my last email to all my colleagues I comprehend that I am not going to come here again. The place where I spent my years together I shared my secrets, friendship and hardship is finally going to get away from me for ever. Amidst the sad feeling I finished typing the last email of my tenure in the current company and thanked every one for their co-operation and trust in me, I gave away my number and contact information, hoping to meet them again. As I send the mail my team members approached me and congratulated me for my decision, wished me luck in future and showed appreciation for my work so far, gave me a farewell gift. The last thing which made me felt even worst was my ID card submission and my security guard’s ever heard words “madam! Won’t you come here again?” I nodded him as I walked away.
Today in the new company I feel so lonely. Nobody knows me. No one is ready to trust me without a proof. These people have their own culture. It’s BIG Ocean. I know one day this company will embrace me for my work. Till then I have to be amid the feeling of a stranger in the company.

“TIME IS A DRESSMAKER SPECIALIZING IN ALTERATIONS !!!”